It just happened. I sent a reply to text to a family member that has been rampant in addiction. The addiction has crossed over into business, my kids and my husband, mother and friends… all who with good intentions, tried to help out and be understanding.
After seeking months of relief from the constant lies, I just spoke my truth. Now if this sounds exciting; I assure you I was brazen in the moment and hit send. Then I was terrified. Almost shaking, to be honest. That’s right, the therapist just spoke the truth to addiction, so why do I feel so intimidated? On the inside, I feel like a child. Why would speaking the truth into what could become a deadly situation, a terrifying event?
Well… It took me about 30 minutes to uncover the truth behind why standing up for the truth makes me cower. I am trained to assist in mental health, family relationships, cause and effect of faith, self determination etc. But the reason I feel so terrified has nothing to do with making the right decision or with my ability to diagnose or frame truth. It stems from a childhood where speaking the truth led to problems, chaos, blame and punishment.
Growing up with a NARC mom made me feel responsible for everything! Her stuff, my stuff, my brother’s health, my dad’s stress, all of it was my problem. So, the adult me approaches situations where I must speak up for myself, with great care. I spend days pondering and over thinking.
The messages in my head sound like this:
- “How can I help this person without offending them?
- How can I use boundaries when they are going to lash out?
- What if they hate me, and tell the rest of the family how I responded.
- Is this just me being selfish?”
So thirty minutes after I spoke the truth, my adrenaline was still pumping and I can begin to feel that inner truth and guess what, it’s a little bit louder than it’s ever been.
So what happened to you? When did you need to speak up and instead withdraw? Can you visualize the occurrence in your head and rewrite it with you standing up for yourself? Would you like to talk about how to do this and change your life from here on out?
For an appointment please visit my site: JessicaGaffney.com or call 772-242-6335